Dear fellow Homo Sapiens, whose bright idea was it to leave nice, warm Africa? Do you think in the wake of everything that has happened so far with her, I could get Casey Anthony to babysit for cheaper? Huffing paint is such an abstract way to get high. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them. Paris Hilton turns 28 today. I ran three miles today. Q: What did the man say to his midget waiter? So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere. Instead she made me a Go Fuck Yourself In the Parking Lot.
A midget with a yo-yo. I'm not a fan of big tits, but yours are really growing on you. What a waste of resources, right? They're both fucking old dudes. Or would I be not busy since it's so easy to work them into my schedule? Lesson Number Three When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. What do you call a Ginger getting an abortion? If Wiz Khalifa is money affiliated, then I'm sadness affiliated.
I know, I know, bad yolk. I decided to name it Republican because it only eats minorities and poor people. It will be the first book ever where the entire foreword is redacted. One time I dated a chick who got super loud every time she was about to get her exclamation point. Is the death penalty still legal in Florida? The steaks are too high. I sit and look at it for hours.
For parties of 6 or more, 18% of cows will automatically be tipped. If you name your kid Billy Bob, Cletus, or Bubba, they're automatically racist even as a baby. What did the frustrated Asian say when his grill wouldn't start? Why would anyone make a sawed off shotgun when they could just carry a saw around… Do you think anyone's ever gotten post-traumatic stress disorder from a Civil War re-enactment? What did the swimming pool say to the angry hot tub? Turns out it's much more than a movement: it's her bowel movement. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point. All hail our creator: frozen water. A small medium at large.
Filmmakers demand Polanski's release on a 1977 child sex charge. Get your drugs from them first, then give them the cash. Here ya go, one large coffee and a literary laxative. That's why they try so hard to make us miserable. I was so poor growing up.
Who knew even masturbation would get more complicated. He got done paid her then she went off. Why are gingers like guns? It all started when they decided to take a stand. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. If nothing comes from nothing, no wonder something always goes wrong. My ex says I ran our relationship into the ground because I refused to overcome simple hurdles.
It's great when you promptly respond to fan mail and don't hear anything back for 6 months, I bet. He wanted to win the No-bell prize! In the future, we will extract power from rainbows. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. Virginity is the only thing in the world people try to lose. I wonder if anyone has ever gotten really high on life and watched The Wizard of Oz while listening to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. Never hit a man with glasses.
How many Ginger people does it manage to pay for a confirmatory response to reorganize a roomy bulb? I've gone to the store and forgotten my list so many times that I'm beginning to think lists are more like a study tool than a cheat sheet. Every time someone gets mad that we don't have flying cars yet, I remind them that we haven't de-invented alcohol. Q: Why do midgets always laugh when playing soccer? But let's be honest, your mom and I didn't give you much to work with. Apparently a fag is a cigarette, so excuse me while I go smoke my gay neighbors. Unfortunately, the Rainbow Power Company will hold a monopoly and force us into slavery. I heard they stopped hanging Chads… OutdatedElectionHumor Whenever I get fired I laugh at the irony since I'm going to hell. A bit unrealistic if you ask me.